The Finn Thing
by evermorelovely
Summary: Blaine is helping Kurt move out of his house when he stumbles upon some old journals and discovers a piece of Kurt's past.  A piece involving a certain crush on Finn Hudson.


Blaine Anderson sat crossed legged in his boyfriend's closet, rummaging through his belongings and organizing them into boxes. Kurt could be found in the exact same position one room over, going through the miscellaneous things he had placed in the guest room closet after running out of room in his own.

The curly-haired boy had been quick to offer a helping hand to his boyfriend; after all it was because of him that Kurt was moving out. In just a few days, the two boys would be settling into their brand new New York apartment. Kurt had been so kind staying home an extra year and finding theater work around nearby towns until Blaine graduated, and now that he had they were ready to ditch Lima and say hello to Manhattan.

So, there he sat, covered in dust and designer shoes, pulling out photo albums and other knick knacks that Kurt had stored in the bottom of his closet. Every once and a while he would stop and gaze at the photo's that lay before him, reveling in the beauty that was _his Kurt. _Blaine was just about to move onto the next corner of the walk-in when he spotted something he had missed. It was a bunch of books, already placed in a neat box. Curiously, he dragged the box close to him and looked over the selection. Every notebook in sight had a year written on the cover in silver Sharpie marker, this only intrigued Blaine more. He reached for one of the bindings and opened the cover, reading the first page.

_September 8, 2008_

_Well, this already sucks. First day of high school and I can already tell that this school is full of neanderthals who plan to make my life hell. One look at me and people make assumptions...assumptions that I'm not even completely sure are true yet. Let's not even GO there right now. The point is, I'm stuck in McKinley high school for the next four years of my life, four years that are going to go by like snails crossing a highway. These are the years that are supposed to define you, after all, and I just- I want them to be magic. But, I know that's not going to happen, the only magic I'll be getting is if I visit Disney World anytime soon. Let's face it, the life of Kurt Hummel is nothing like they show on Nickelodeon- it's not going to be special or magic or anything else that could possibly be encouraging, it's only going to be one big confusing mess. Oh, joy.___

Blaine shut the notebook, _this was Kurt's journal? And he kept one from every year of his life?_

Before Blaine knew what he was doing, he was searching anxiously for that one year.

_2010...2010...2010..._

_Finally!_ He thought, as he found the black leather journal floating around the box. This journal was thicker than others and in cursive handwriting read _Sophomore Year- Junior year, 2009-2010_ Blaine had just found the key to entering a world everyone dreamed of- entering the world of your lovers mind. _What had Kurt thought of me when we first met? Surely, he wrote about me, right? What about when we started to like each other as more than friends? What was going through his mind?_

Unable to hold it back any longer, he opened it up and brushed a finger across the first page. He was going to turn to a page that he thought he might be mentioned on, based on the date at the top, when skimming pages he saw a smaller piece of paper slipping out of the notebook. Blaine grabbed the falling piece of paper, blank at first glance. It wasn't until he turned it over that he saw what that piece of paper was- a picture of a certain McKinley quarterback.

_Finn?_

Blaine pushed the pages back until he was at the page from which the photo slipped, staring at the page in confusion. _Why would Kurt...?_

___ September 16, 2009_

_He is absolutely adorable. I can't...I can't even begin to describe it. He's tall, muscular, the star quarterback... need I say more? I definitely see myself with him. He's the most beautiful man I have ever seen, and his voice- not the best- but it still manages to give me chills. Oh, yes. Finn Hudson is a keeper.___

Blaine could not believe what he was reading, he fumbled with the pages and skipped ahead a little. If he thought the last entry was bad- it was nothing compared to what his eyes were about to take in.

_I love him._

_You love who?_ Blaine demanded in his head, sure that the next line must be something about a certain boy with black curls.

_That's right, I said it. I am in love with Finn Hudson. I have never felt this way about someone before, and sometimes I think I let it get the best of me. I know he isn't gay, but people can change right? If he could only let himself get to know me, I think he could develop feeling for me. God, I love him so much. When he sings, my knees go weak. When he speaks, the world feels right. When he so much as glances at me I feel prepared to faint right there. I can't help but stare at his full pink lips during Glee, resisting the urge to attack them with mine. Luckily it isn't too hard to stare without being noticed because he is singing, after all, and that's generally where you look while someone is giving a performance. I want him... so badly. There is no way I am letting little miss Rachel Freakin' Berry getting in my way for true love, she can go run back to Puck or something (they had a thing once, right?) because Finnegan Hudson is mine. I swear, one day I'm going to make that boy mine forever. We could have a cute celebrity name like Kinn or Furt... that would be adorable, they could go on our wedding invitations! I can_

"Blaine?"

_He...he loves Finn? FINN? No, no, no, no! NO! They will NOT GET MARRIED! There will be NO Kinn or Furt! NEVER!_

"Blaine, baby, are you still in there? It's taking you an awfully long time to do that one wall... I thought we agreed to get lunch after you finished that one area?" Kurt finally appeared in the doorway of his closet. "Baby, what are you...?"

Then Kurt saw the journals.

"Are...are those?"

Blaine merely nodded his head, unable to meet Kurt's gaze. He knew if he looked into his beautiful eyes he wouldn't be able to control the tears waiting in his eyes. But, Kurt knew his boyfriend too well to miss the expression on Blaine's face, one he couldn't stand to see appear.

"Blaine, sweetie, what's wrong? Oh, God, you read something about the GAP attack didn't you? I didn't mean it, Blaine, honest. I just... for God's sake, Blaine, you serenaded another man! I think I had a bit of a right to say a few choice words about you in my private writing..." he babbled, remembering the awful notes he had jotted down about his former crush.

"How-" Blaine sniffled, "How could you?"

"I'm so sorry, I told you I was just pissed off and, I mean, I loved you then too Blaine! Put yourself in my position for a moment!" Kurt reasoned, resting a hand on Blaine's cheek, forcing him to look at his face.

"Apparently I wasn't the only person you loved…" murmured Blaine. Kurt looked up in shock.

"What- what did you say?"

"You lied to me this whole time! You told me you had never been in love! You told me this was something you had never felt before!" he shouted, gaining confidence. "It was all just a lie, though! A masquerade… let poor Blaine believe what he wants! Make him think he's special!"

"Blaine, clue me in here!" Kurt begged, he felt tears threatening to escape; Blaine was already ahead of him, tears taking over his vocal abilities.

"FINN, KURT! FINN, THE TALL, MUSCULAR HUNK WHO IS THE MOST GORGEOUS MAN YOU'VE EVER MET! THE ONE WHO MAKES YOU FEEL FAINT AND THE VERY SAME FINN WITH THE FULL PINK KISSABLE LIPS! THE ONE YOU PLAN TO MARRY, THE ONE WHO'S PART OF KINN OR FURT OR WHATEVER THE HELL IT IS! THE OTHER HALF TO YOUR DISGUSTINGLY CUTE COUPLE NAME THAT YOU'VE DECIDED TO FEATURE ON THE INVITATIONS! THAT FREAKIN' FINN! _THAT_ LOVE OF YOUR LIFE!" Blaine was panting at this point, hard sobs escaping his lips.

Kurt was crying now, definitely crying. Blaine had never yelled at him like that before, and this entire situation caught him off guard. It was now that he saw Blaine clutching the photo of Finn in his fist, nearly ripping it apart.

"Blaine…" Kurt started, "That wasn't… that wasn't love…"

"Really?" he asked, "Because it sure as hell seemed like it."

"It wasn't, Blaine, it's not like what we have…"

"When did you stop?"

"Excuse me?" asked Kurt, cocking his head to the side.

"When did you stop loving your fucking stepbrother?" he demanded, a little too close to shouting for comfort.

Kurt knew this was bad. Blaine only curses this badly when he's really, really upset. Kurt doesn't take offense to this; he knows it's something Blaine has never had control over. When he's worked up he has a dirty mouth.

"I…" Kurt thought carefully about what he was about to say, "As soon as I met you."

"You're lying to make-"

"No, I'm not." Kurt insisted, "I swear I'm not Blaine. Do you think Finn ever treated me the way you did? Before Glee club, Finn was one of the guys that threw me in the dumpster! The first time I met Finn Hudson was when he was throwing an ice-cold slushy in my face. You? The first time I met you was when you took me by the hand and sang Teenage Dream to me. It took Finn over a year to see me as more than that girly-gay kid. You accepted me from the beginning." Kurt could feel the tears building in his eyes, again.

"I was obsessive of Finn, I admit. I thought I loved him, but… I didn't. I loved the idea of him. Let's face it, when it comes to personality- Finn isn't a winner. I did some stupid things to try to get his attention and make him mine, and to get him away from Rachel but-"

"What… what do you mean?" Blaine interrupted; his voice raw from yelling and crying.

Kurt sighed, was he really about to do this? "I- I'm the reason my dad started dating Carole…"

"I don't understand…"

"I wanted to spend more time around Finn, so I introduced our parents. I knew they would click instantly, and I just, I was so obsessed with him…"

"Oh" was all Blaine responded with.

"He made it clear he wasn't interested in me like that, but I just wouldn't listen." Kurt shook his head, now lost in his own reverie. "Oh, God, I did so many ridiculous things. Seducing him probably wasn't the best decision of my life, to say the least…"

"You… you what?"

_Oh, shit._

"It's not important."

"Yes, yes it is! Kurt, what did you do?" Blaine was beginning to become angry again.

"I was young, and I was so stupid, Blaine!" Kurt cursed himself internally, he had just started to assure Blaine that it was nothing and then he had to go and revert things back to hell.

"_You seduced him?" _he asked, eyes wide with… heart-break?

"No! I mean, I never actually got to! I was going to, but it didn't have the greatest timing," he explained, desperate to get this over with.

"What… what song?"

_Oh my… no. This cannot be happening. How in the name of Alexander McQueen did this end up happening?_

"Kurt?" he said, "What song?"

"Blaine…" Kurt mumbled, "I don't think, I don't think it's important to know the song. I don't have feelings for Finn and that's that, right?"

Blaine shook his head, "I need to know, Kurt."

Kurt pursed his lips, tears breaking free. "_I Honestly Love You."_

Silence. Complete and utter silence.

Blaine got up and left the room. Kurt heard the front door slam and an engine start outside. Kurt didn't blame him, but, God, he wished that he hadn't left. Blaine was torn over this, and Kurt understood why. Kurt had sung that song for him when they celebrated their thirteen month anniversary.


End file.
